Covid and Cancer…

The last four to six weeks have been eye opening, challenging and a test for all. Our lives have been changed, new challenges have presented their selves and we are uncertain to when this will all be over. We are learning what we NEED vs. what we WANT. What we NEED to do and what we DONT.  Our hands and surfaces have never been cleaner. We have learned what it is like to work from home, teach from home, learn from home and be at home… and all present major challenges. I think anyone involved with this “distance learning” stuff is more than ready to have it be done! All of it is stressful…for kids, teachers and parents. Anyone working from home with small children – I applaud you. Teens locked up with their parents – I am sorry. Parents locked up with their teens, I am also sorry! Married couples….this is the ultimate test on the strength of a marriage!

But during all this we have come to appreciate things we have taken for granted….spending quality family time, eating dinner together (even if no one can agree on what they like or want for dinner), saving money because you don’t necessarily need that new shirt, can’t get your hair done and eating out is not an option. Being grateful for when you find that can of soup at the store they have been out of, finding toilet paper or even a mask for your face. Realizing a zoom call with your preschool students or a happy hour call with your besties makes your WHOLE day or even week especially if you are an extrovert! To see smiley faces coming back to you! We have learned to appreciate all the “Little Things” in such a different way. We may just come out of this better people.

And yet there still are other crappy circumstances happening that makes this even harder….People with other health issues, families not able to be together because of distancing and of course people who are losing their life from this….

During all of this I have two family members going through cancer treatment and a week ago my family received devastating news…after having a bad pain in her back for months…my mom was diagnosed with Mesothelioma. A cancer that is in her lung linings, ribs and spine. I have never received any news ever before that knocked the wind out of me and brought me to my knees quite like this. The sacrifices and challenges of the virus seem like small insignificant things right now. My mom, my friend, my confidant, the person whom I come from, act like and look like has cancer….incurable cancer. I have always hated cancer – it isn’t kind, it isn’t fair, it isn’t pretty, it is HARD and it is BULLSHIT. I will not mince words. It is. I question my faith even tho I know God is taking care of her and all of us. Power of Prayer they all say…and believe me I am praying….praying for mom to not be in pain, praying for my dad who I have seen sob more this past week than I have in my whole life – he is lost with the news, praying for my siblings that we find strength within each other, I pray our children – her grandchildren understand all this and continue to make memories with her and I pray for all her friends and family near and far that we had to deliver the news to… What I can’t wrap my head around and understand is WHY??? I need an answer and I know I will never get one. I am sick and broken over all of it….I am a 51 year old little girl that still needs her mom.

I am someone who tries to be positive, help others see the better side and put a smile on faces or a laugh in trying times…but I right now I am lost. The time you need to be surrounded by those who lift you up and can’t because of social distancing. The thought my mom had to go to her scans and appointment of her diagnosis alone because my dad can’t go in the clinic rips a hole in my heart. I am thankful for my immediate family, we are taking precautions and still going over there daily, finding a laugh with my mom while we are there….and being by her through these times.

People….life is short. Shorter than we anticipate in some cases. Forgive, Love, Be Kind, Be Patient, Be Good, Listen More, Hug, Look up from your phone, Be Present….we don’t always know if tomorrow will or will not come.



7 thoughts on “Covid and Cancer…”

  1. Awwww, Jill…my heart is broken. Continue to find strength from the people who love you and know I one of them.

    1. My prayers are with you and the whole family; I am so saddened by the news – I pray for strength and comfort for Nedra and Jack as they face this together with all of you. I will keep praying and send my love. Patti Haaheim

  2. Jill you have expressed so much through this pouring from your heart. May you feel the love of others as we listen to you and share your pain.. It’s ok to not be ok! I just heard someone say this…. I love you

  3. Oh, Jill! I’m so sorry to hear that! I could tell from your posts that something was going on. I’m sorry so many of your family members are having to go through this damn cancer, especially now, when there are so many restrictions & social distancing. Hang in there. If you need someone to talk to who’s been through it & still going through it, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Take care of yourself & stay well. Hugs, my friend

  4. Wow. You are a powerful writer, Jill! I am sad for this news which breaks your heart and I will pray with vigor for your mom and all who love her! ❤️🙏

  5. Oh Jill,
    I just read this of course after seeing you at Von Hanson’s today. My heart aches for you…you’re perspective is so spot on. I’m glad I didn’t know because it would have been even harder not to hug you💕.
    Prayers and positive thoughts are coming your way friend.

  6. It’s OK to be that little girl who needs her mom no matter your age… that doesn’t stop after they’re gone either. Breast cancer took my mom on 11/11/11 (she always had to be #1!) My heart breaks for you and your family Jill… but just keep making memories. I still treasure those last months because we made them count and we had honest and sometimes hard conversations and tears and lots of moments of laughter. My favorite was pulling out her photo books and boxes of photos and we were able to label photos of people we wouldn’t know after she was gone and it prompted so many great stories. Prayers and hugs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s