Jillsy's Blog

being a wife…birth mom…adoptive mom….dealing with infertillty & life

When are you having kids? October 16, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — jillsy @ 10:28 am

married-hands

Since time began people have gotten married and started a family. It was just the natural progression in life’s journey. It was ‘just what you did’. Now more and more couples are waiting for various reasons to start a family…careers, age, finances etc. No matter what their reason is….it is NO ONE’S business but theirs.

So often couples get married…the wedding dress is barely off…thank you notes haven’t been written yet and the next sentence out of people’s mouths is “So, when are you going to have kids?”. I used to be guilty of that. But until my wanting kids turned into a blood sweat and tears fight, I started seeing that question as offensive, hurtful and down right rude.

When you ask that question – think about how intrusive it is. You are asking a couple when they are going to start having unprotected sex and create a miracle. How in the world is it anyone’s business besides the couple??? I get it, we all love the idea of a cute new baby…and most of the time you can picture the couple as great parents…still…not our business.

Finances: Having a baby is expensive. Perhaps the couple is scraping and saving just to live and the thought of a child at that point in time is totally off their radar.

Career: Maybe the couple is right in the peak of their career and wanting to succeed in it before starting a family.

Not wanting kids: YES, there are people in the world who do not want to have children. There is nothing wrong with that. I know many couples who don’t and they are just as happy. It isn’t a wrong decision, it is their decision.

Infertility: This I know from experience. I spent 7 years with my hubby TRYING to get pregnant. It was hard, emotional and tiring. The last thing you want to hear when you are heart broken that yet another month has gone by with a negative test, is someone asking “When are you two having kids?”.  It’s a knife to the heart. You fill with anger, sadness and feelings of helplessness.

Just a reminder that it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You do not know what that couple is planning, thinking or wanting. It is a private matter that does not involve you in any way.

Be kind and think first. Remember, when a couple does decide to have a child and do get pregnant…they will be shouting it from the rooftops with joy and happiness. Til then, let a couple be.

 

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