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Angry Momma not Super Fan…

momma-bear   This picture is a perfect resemblance of my feelings. This post is not going to be tender and full of sappy emotion…but is going to be raw and truthful. It’s the only way I can truly vent my thoughts and feelings…..So if you are not ready to read something of this contact….abort mission now.

Every home football game our high school has  a section of high school kids called the “Super Fan” section – It is only for the high school kids and they dress a theme every game. I am reminded by my daughter who LOVES to sit there that parents and middle school kids are NOT WELCOMED there. I reassure her every game we go to that worry not, her parents do not even want to sit in the middle of screaming crazy high school kids. We enjoy the end of the stands where adults and other kids sit.

My daughter LOVES to dress the theme and sit there and cheer on the team like every other kid. It gives her a spring in her step and a sparkle in her eye. Not many things do these days. It makes her whole week. She is a tough cookie – every single game she ends up in tears because of jerky kids that don’t understand her. But yet returns there every time because she loves the excitement of being with kids her age and the energy of cheering for the team.

Now, my daughter is one that struggles – socially. She cannot read social cues and cannot reason with social boundaries etc. That is no secret. No matter how many times I go over with her that kids who treat you like crap, are not friends. If kids are mean you walk away and ignore them instead of trying to win an argument with them.  Every game she is treated like crap by these kids. This week she came over to me crying and sobbing because this group of asshole boys were kicking her and hitting her. I know that her lack of social cues comes across to kids as annoying…I get that…more than anyone. But there is NO EXCUSE to treat people this way. We are all different and have things that bug one another. Things that others may not understand. I for one can totally judge a book by its cover to find out later how wrong I was.

As a mother of a child who struggles on a daily basis trying to find a place to fit in and trying to find that one friend who will accept her for who she is, I AM ANGRY. I AM ANGRY! I want every parent to know this crap goes on…teach your children about acceptance and not every kid is the cool kid, the pretty kid, the smart kid. But these kids are human beings that have feelings and just want to be accepted. We need to teach this. Schools need to teach this. Great – make posters, honor national anti bullying month, but EDUCATE our children on struggles other kids may face.

To those “Super Fans” I want to say – You are cruel. You break my daughters heart year after year and yet she comes back and thinks you are a friend. She has more grace than any of you. She is a bigger person and doesn’t even realize it. SHE COMES BACK FOR MORE BECAUSE SHE THINKS YOU ARE ACTUALLY HER FRIENDS. She has no idea what a friend is…a real friend. Shame on you. I am sickened by the behavior. That is not being a Super Fan. That is being a Super Jerk…..

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When are you having kids?

married-hands

Since time began people have gotten married and started a family. It was just the natural progression in life’s journey. It was ‘just what you did’. Now more and more couples are waiting for various reasons to start a family…careers, age, finances etc. No matter what their reason is….it is NO ONE’S business but theirs.

So often couples get married…the wedding dress is barely off…thank you notes haven’t been written yet and the next sentence out of people’s mouths is “So, when are you going to have kids?”. I used to be guilty of that. But until my wanting kids turned into a blood sweat and tears fight, I started seeing that question as offensive, hurtful and down right rude.

When you ask that question – think about how intrusive it is. You are asking a couple when they are going to start having unprotected sex and create a miracle. How in the world is it anyone’s business besides the couple??? I get it, we all love the idea of a cute new baby…and most of the time you can picture the couple as great parents…still…not our business.

Finances: Having a baby is expensive. Perhaps the couple is scraping and saving just to live and the thought of a child at that point in time is totally off their radar.

Career: Maybe the couple is right in the peak of their career and wanting to succeed in it before starting a family.

Not wanting kids: YES, there are people in the world who do not want to have children. There is nothing wrong with that. I know many couples who don’t and they are just as happy. It isn’t a wrong decision, it is their decision.

Infertility: This I know from experience. I spent 7 years with my hubby TRYING to get pregnant. It was hard, emotional and tiring. The last thing you want to hear when you are heart broken that yet another month has gone by with a negative test, is someone asking “When are you two having kids?”.  It’s a knife to the heart. You fill with anger, sadness and feelings of helplessness.

Just a reminder that it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You do not know what that couple is planning, thinking or wanting. It is a private matter that does not involve you in any way.

Be kind and think first. Remember, when a couple does decide to have a child and do get pregnant…they will be shouting it from the rooftops with joy and happiness. Til then, let a couple be.