anxiety, family, gay, inclusion, respect, transgender, Uncategorized

Gays, Transgenders and oh yeah, pedophiles…

Let’s have a teachable moment. According to Merriam Webster the following words are described as follows:

Gay: sexually attracted to someone who is the same sex

Transgender: of, relating to, or being a person who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that differs from the one which corresponds to the person’s sex at birth

Pedophile: a person who has a sexual interest in children

Inclusive: open to everyone; not limited to certain people

Ignorant: lacking knowledge or information

Bathroom:  room in a public place with a toilet and a sink

Ok, now that you have all the definitions of all the buzz words with public bathrooms, why is there such debate? Only ONE word above affects children being preyed on in bathrooms….PEDOPHILE.

I know people are sick of hearing all the bathroom craziness of Target and other establishments and the regards to transgender. IN MY OPINION, it is ridiculous. The majority of people who use a bathroom at a public store, restaurant or any other establishment other than home, simply HAVE TO PEE. That is it. The majority of people who use the restroom go into a stall and shut the door and do their business. But because a person maybe in all ways identifying as a particular sex with exception to their “plumbing” we assume our children are at harm and going to be assaulted?  That thought  is just asinine (defined as: just stupid and silly).

PEDOPHILES are the ones who prey on children. You can’t recognize them on the street or in the bathrooms, they are sick human beings who find children sexually attractive. THAT is what is sick and disgusting. Teachers, priests, babysitters, relatives and the next door neighbors of children can be pedophiles. Half the time we don’t even know this until perhaps years have passed and an assault has taken place.

People who are gay or transgender are not out to harm our children. Plain and simple: they either find people of the same gender sexually attractive. Transgender just means they are born looking one way but all of who they are identifies another way.

It is not a religious debate, a political debate or even a sexual debate. It is being inclusive and allowing people who are woman (or define their selves as a woman) to pee in a women’s bathroom – and same for men.

Seriously – #PEOPLE JUST HAVE TO PEE…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements
Uncategorized

F bombs and grace…

bully-655660_960_720

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write this blog entry or not. It is hard to write about and yet I go back to my same belief that if it helps one person or teaches one person then it is worth it. Those of you who read my blog, know me or my family know that my daughter struggles in social situations.  Her social delay/struggle tends to fall under the Asperger’s umbrella. In easy terms – she can’t read social cues, “read a room” or fully understand the difference between good attention and negative attention. In her world, negative attention from kids = oh they are my friends giving me a hard time. When one kid is nice to her she tends to hang on to that one person and understand it as her only friend.  When this happens she comes across to others as a lost puppy constantly following around this one person or group of people. She thinks these people are her friends. She thinks this because they are the only ones talking to her. Even if it is in a negative way. She desperately wants their approval and attention whether it be positive or negative. It gives her a false sense of having friends. To a person or kid that does not understand her struggle, she comes across annoying, irritating and clingy. I understand that being her mother. It is a constant battle I try teaching her every day. EVERYDAY.

What people don’t know about her is that she is caring, funny, loves music, loves having a good time. She is literal which sometimes can be funny 🙂 She enjoys babysitting, Starbucks, singing, playing games and has a good golf swing.

It is so heart breaking when people we do know don’t get it. We had a situation a while ago when my husband was talking to a friend…She wanted to quick ask her dad something. She kept yelling “Dad. Dad. DAD!” and our friend snapped at her “Don’t you know to be quiet when grown ups are talking?!”. No, she doesn’t get that! She has trouble reading the room/social situations. Yes, she may be a teenager and should know better, but she struggles. Naturally if someone was there with her, she would be reminded to just wait a second and then ask when they are done talking. As her mom it is so hard to ALWAYS have to remind her of that and constantly show her the way. But I love her and would do anything to help her.

There was an incident at school this week with some kids…the kids she thinks are her friends even though they constantly are telling her to go away, leave them alone and are mean. I totally understand the frustration these kids have. I get it. I GET IT. She does not. So in a group text, she received this: (caution – explicit)

text

At first I was disgusted with the language this kid used and then I was ANGRY. Momma bear claws came out and I was ready to protect my young. My daughter did the right thing by going to someone at school and showing them. The school spoke to the parents and the kid. The kicker…..my daughter was sad that the kid got into trouble. She didn’t understand why she received the horrible treatment, but FELT BAD for this kid. WOW. I wanted to go by the policy of absolutely no bullying. But after all of this, she felt bad he got into trouble. SHE apologized to him for telling on him. WHAT!?!?!

I have learned a lot of things about myself and my daughter over the years. When she was in 3rd grade I didn’t want to believe she had struggles, I cried when she was diagnosed with her difficulties. I CRIED and felt bad.  Then someone said to me “I don’t know why you are upset. It has nothing to do with you as a parent. It has to do with how she is wired. You need to be her advocate”. I allowed myself to have the one day pity party and after that I researched and read. I learned about my daughter’s struggles. Let me tell you, it has helped tremendously: learning and helping her vs. yelling and ignoring what we all were seeing. It is a fine line we walk with her – knowing right from wrong vs. what she doesn’t understand socially for her age.

I give this kid grace. I understand the frustration he felt along with this group of kids. I GET IT. But what I don’t get is the treatment and language that is used. As parents it is OUR JOB to teach our children acceptance of others. Being different doesn’t mean bad. Some kids just need a kind word and a chance. Kids think they are part of a popular group – who defines that? And if being mean and tearing down a person’s self worth is part of being popular – why is that right?

No bullying policy is great, but if kids don’t understand what it  truly means, then how can it work? People can appear one way to others when deep down they struggle and can’t help it. These kids grasp at any straw to stay afloat and try to fit in. Imagine how tiring and all consuming that can be? Socially you are treading water all day, going to your classes, trying to get to class on time, get homework done, etc.

I can be guilty of judging a book by its cover. But once you actually take the time to read the book, you realize there is so much more there. As a parent or an adult read this blog…teach your kids about acceptance and patience. Sometimes it DOES take a village.

Uncategorized

What’s your disguise…

Mans-Disguise

We all have a disguise. Something we use as a safety to hide behind when we don’t want people to see the real us. Laughter when we really feel pain. Keeping busy and involved to avoid a truth. Make up or clothing to hide a flaw. Gossip or caddyness to hide jealousy or frustration. We all have one.

But what if your disguise is uncontrollable because it has you?  You come across a certain way because you are wired differently? You appear one way to people but it isn’t your authentic self. You can’t help the disguise. It is hard to understand when it doesn’t have you. I see this all the time with kids that struggle because they are wired differently. The kid that acts out because they need some extra attention – they aren’t trying to be naughty, they just need someone to stop for a few minutes and just give them some extra love and attention. Children on the spectrum that have sensory issues…its not that they are picky with what they want to wear…but their bodies can not take the feel of a tag or the tightness of a waistband. We accommodate these issues for them and life is easier for parent and child.

My child hides behind an armor of non stop talking and persistence, which comes across to others that don’t understand her as annoying and tiring. Sad to say sometimes her mom forgets this. She has taught me so much about her daily struggles. She has such high anxiety and would rather surround herself with negative kids at school that are beyond rude and hurtful that call her every name in the book because she knows what to expect in those situations. To go meet a new friend or try and sit with new kids at lunch is so out of her realm of her comfort zone she just would never try it. She has ONE kid that is nice to her that she follows like a puppy and spends all of her energy on. She feels lucky that this one kid is patient enough to be nice to her. But when that is the only person – she comes across clingy, persistent and overall annoying. In her mind she sees it as a good friend, when really it is one kid with a lot of patience. Other kids see this persistence behavior and stay away from her and treat her crappy because they don’t understand that is her disguise. Her disguise that a popular kid likes her the same way therefore all this kids friends to do. But the reality is they are awful to her because she clings to THEIR friend ALL THE TIME.

I see how exhausted she can be after school…trying to hide behind the “being friends with a group of people” that are really jerks to her, trying to keep an above failing grade in her classes when she struggles with learning and processing and keep the fake smile up that everything was ok at school. If all kids could see that others may struggle and the cover of the book doesn’t always tell the accurate story. If they knew – perhaps they would understand she just wants a friend and a successful day. That she is so full of love, laughter and a bright smile…but at the end of the day that light is barely flickering and darkness sets in. As a mother there is nothing more heart wrenching to see your daughter struggle with this. Socially she can’t help a lot of it. Her disguise keeps her from having nice friends, being invited to things, etc. High school should be fun and a new world of learning to drive, dances, sleepovers, football games etc. But her world is so different, lonely. As a mom I can pep talk her, build her self esteem up…but at this age she needs that from peers to be believable.

anxiety, family, inclusion, mom, Non Verbal Learning Disorder, respect, Uncategorized

It’s the little things…

Untitled design(2)

I got this text this morning from my daughter. I realize it is just a text. Especially in the world of devices, online communication and teenagers it doesn’t seem like a big deal. But if you knew my daughter, you would understand how this small gesture made my whole week. (and it’s a MONDAY!)

My daughter and I argue daily…DAILY. Multiple times a day. Now do the math….times a week….times a month….etc etc. Which makes this mom one tired and crazy nut job at times. Why this mom loves quiet time at night watching meaningless TV with a glass of wine – ALONE.

Part of the arguing daily is she is a typical teenage girl. The other part is her NVLD (non verbal learning disorder). It plays a huge part in her social interaction. While she can talk non stop, she has a hard time relaying emotions/feelings. Things are black and white. Empathy is rarely expressed. Reading social cues is a daily struggle. more info on NVLD

So naturally when you have all that, the pressure of school and trying to make and keep a simple friend is hard and tiring. Then come home from school – exhausted from trying to keep up with what we call “normal” and be expected to be 100% respectful and social is just plain crazy and not achievable. While she can come across exhausting, argumentative and disrespectful a lot of the time….she has her moments that shine brighter than any other star out there. This text was one of them.

I have learned over these fun teen years that I need to really take in the little things. They may not seem big and grandiose to many of you, but to me and my beautiful daughter they are HUGE.

*another god article on NVLD      What is NVLD?