I’ve sat here this past week looking through a journal from a dear friend, letter from my mom, cards from friends, letters from an old boyfriend and a thick folder of medical and adoption papers. All these items mean so much to me and every year at this time I pull them out and look through the pages of history that changed my life.
Twenty eight years ago…I was a scared 18 year old. I was about to experience a day in my life that would change me in so many ways. I still felt more like a child than an adult woman. I still needed my mom and dad. I was scared, anxious and didn’t realize the magnitude my life would change until 20 something years after. I was a pregnant young girl about to have a baby. A baby that I would not meet until shortly before his 23rd birthday. No longer a baby but a grown adult.
This “baby” turns 28 today. It warms my heart that for the last 5 years I have been able to wish him Happy Birthday in person…instead of wondering just how I should feel. I always would shed tears on this day and would feel so alone – no one could understand the depth of the feelings I had – even myself. I have grown into my feelings and understand them so much better now. I feel very blessed to be able to wish Joshua a Happy BIRTHday, celebrate him and have him in my life. June 16th is a beautiful day as it always has been – just less lonely, less messy with crazy emotions I couldn’t understand and now filled with happiness and love. Happy Birthday Joshua!