Some people are awesome writers, famous authors with book series. They are on the Bestsellers list and widely known with an audience that awaits their next book. I am not one of them. I am Jill, a mom that has a story to tell. My little book started as a blog. A blog I started to work through 20+ years of feelings that had been tucked away. A place to talk out loud in hopes that maybe one person could be touched or even learn something similar. It was my “couch” in a therapist’s office. A therapist that maybe I should have sought out 20+ years earlier but didn’t think I needed.
When I first found my birth son online – I kept saying “This is so big!” – just SO MUCH emotion and floodgate of feelings that came rushing out like a huge wave in an ocean and I couldn’t swim. I needed a place to work through it all. Those feelings lead to all the feelings I had during infertility issues with my husband which lead to the feelings I had when we adopted our beautiful girls. These feelings kept on coming til present day. A full circle.
While I love talking, love being around people and love being an extrovert….this was a very humbling writing process for me. I wasn’t doing it for popularity. I wasn’t doing it to expose people I hold close to me. I simply wanted to share my story while working through things. I thought if all this writing helped me heal and process, then perhaps it could help others. At first I wanted to write a book with a collection of stories by other birth moms. I met with a friend/teacher/mentor who a long time ago said “You need to do something with your story”. I told her my idea and she suggested I start with my own story. So I did. I took my little old blog – took it entry by entry and turned it into chapter by chapter. I found a wonderful person to help me write it and my book was well on the way.
While I would love to sell millions of books, the whole real reason behind my book is to help others heal and understand. If it could help me work through feelings as a pregnant teen that I avoided for 20 years, then maybe I could help a pregnant teen NOW work through the same. There will always be a couple dealing with infertility issues and be heartbroken like Mike and I were. I can say to them “I understand”. There will always be excited not so patient parents waiting for their babies to “come home” and I can appreciate their wait and excitement. I can share those tears of joy when a birth mom reunites with a child she so selflessly chose adoption for. If I can help one person in any of those situations, then my book was worth it all.