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Bah Humbug…

igrinch As I sit here waiting at the “Holiday crazed lit up tinsel covered, wrapping paper with ribbons, cookie making, card sending and expensive gifts Cafe” my table is called: “Piss and Vinegar….table for one”. that’s me! Piss and Vinegar. But I am not exclusively that name….Piss and Vinegar can be easily switched out to “Bitchy and Angry”, “Scrooge” or even “Jill”. It’s a new experience this year for me in this….what do they call it????….hmmmm…..oh yeah, “Most wonderful time of the year”. It is funny because I can’t see the “wonderful” through all the fog and haze. This fog and haze that usually doesn’t hit me til January when there is no end to winter in sight. But this year my seasonal depression came early. Happy Holidays to me!!! Good news tho – I can see my dr. in 3 weeks – AFTER – the most wonderful time of the year. Now, I know you are saying “Snap out of it. It’s CHRISTMAS. Life is what you make it. If you are down and pissy about it – well then that is the type of holiday you WILL have”….believe me – I whole heartily agree. I think I may have even invented that mantra…But when this seasonal crap kicks in and we have 10 days with out sunshine and it is dark and cloudy all the time….your mind becomes dark and cloudy and you have no control over it….let me repeat…you have no control over it.  Do I enjoy this? nope. Do I want to enjoy the holiday season. yes. In fact I love Christmas! The house is cozy and warm, the smell of a real tree (tho messy and needles are everywhere) smells divine, baking cookies with my girls is fun. I love wrapping presents…decorating and entertaining. I am Martha freakin’ Stewart when it comes to Christmas. But this year….not so much. I am angry at all the running around…spending money we don’t have….not wanting to bake….always that one more thing to buy, mail, write and do. And don’t get me started on the Elf on a Shelf. Love hiding her and doing all the fun things – my kids know it is me but still love to wake up and find her. This year I have heard “Oh, Gracie didn’t move again last night?” (cue FAILURE as a mom). there are potlucks for school – snacks hubby has to bring to work – cards to mail out (WITH a typo) – tree needles to vacuum up AGAIN.  I hate feeling this way so much…especially when everything in my life is wonderful! That damn fog has grabbed hold of me earlier this year, harder this year and won’t give me a break. Sure I have an occasional day where I am euphoric, cloud 9, uber creative and happy as a fat kid with cake. But when the ratio of those days is so low compared to the fog filled days…no fun. I hate that medicine has to make me “happy” and society dictates Christmas. What happened to fun new jammies, Lifesaver book, new outfit and a stocking filled with crap…now it all about $100 boots and clothes, electronics that are the best and the fastest, a good old fashion flip phone that calls and texts isn’t good enough for a 11 year old…. I know this is a total Debbie Downer blog post…I KNOW IT IS. But I also know how bad this fog can take over a person. I know I am not the only one out there….I DO wish you all Happy Holidays and the greatest New Year….at least the “Jill” part of me does :/

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2 thoughts on “Bah Humbug…”

  1. I haven’t done cards in 5 years.
    No more baking. We made oreo balls that look like a 2 year old did them.That damn elf didn’t leave because he heard arguing or he’s drunk.
    Don’t you wish your name was Holly. Jolly.

  2. Been feeling the same way lately but the fog is lifting and hopefully it will for you too. Maybe go back and read your “Cherry on Top” birthday post and see if you can get some of those happy feelings back. But I think it’s the nature of the season, if you aren’t one of those people who is generally happy and chipper all the time, this time of year can be a struggle. Just remember you don’t have to do it all and creating memories really is more important than $100 boots and electronics, even if they act as if the world will end if they don’t get the best stuff. When they get older, they’ll remember driving around to look at lights a lot more. At least that what I tell myself!

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