cancer, family, Uncategorized

Cancer sucks…

cancer sucks  Cancer sucks. Plain and simple. I have known people all different ages that have gone through this. Relatives. Friends, Strangers. Neighbors. Kids…….KIDS!?!?!  I don’t understand why. I know God has the ultimate plan, but why cancer? Why cancer in children? I don’t normally write about other people in my blog – it is usually my immediate family or situations that involve my family. This post is different. It is about a neighbor. The neighbor that is just behind our fence… a young boy we see through the fence cracks mow the lawn or play football with friends.  Our neighbor David who is an active football loving 7th grade. He was just diagnosed with a rare cancer…on his spinal cord. Rare – meaning he is like 1 in 6 people in the WORLD who have been diagnosed with this.

Here is his story that just ran on the news:  David’s Story

As an average person I think HOW AWFUL. Thinking of it as a mother….there are no words. I think how “lucky” he was to get injured during a football game. A game that David LOVES. That injury lead doctors to find this tumor. I just cant imagine the road he will now travel on…surgeries, treatment, Dr. appointments…the list is endless. Not to mention missing school, friends, etc. The support in our community has been fast and furious. Love how our town has rallied around this young boy and his family.

It’s not fair. IT’S NOT FAIR. (yeah yeah Life ISN’T fair…but this sucks) How as a mother and father do you keep strong for your child when deep down you are screaming “THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!!” and feeling helpless for your own child. My heart and prayers just pour out for this family. One thing I do know…they will kick cancer’s ASS! They are strong – #GerfastStrong! And David will be in the best care at the best hospital MN knows, the country knows, the world knows.

If you can help in ANY way this family…the link is below. Any little thing is helpful. It just means one less thing the family needs to worry about. Their strength needs to be on David…not on finances, meals etc. Power of prayer is remarkable. So remarkable…say a prayer or many prayers.

Help David’s Family

Cindy, Lars, Rachel, Allison and David….we are rallying for you all!


With a cherry on top….


It is 8:00 am October 6, 2014. Happy Birthday to me. I am 46 today. 46? 46!? 46!!! Wow. Why do I feel like 30? I guess that is a good thing. I don’t see 46 as being old…not all all. In some ways I feel as tho my life is at its peak of awesomeness. I don’t really LOVE the number 46….its now closer to 50. But still have a few years to think about that one.

I am in a reflective mood today. I feel blessed. I feel happy. I feel loved. All day long Facebook will be chiming in with people wishing me Happy Birthday and I will be reminded of all the awesome people I know!

This weekend was very special one for me. I had a wonderfully fun birthday party at my brother’s home. His family, my sister and her kids, my parents, a good friend of my brothers….and Josh. It was the first time the whole family was together with Josh. I admit I was a bit nervous, but it ended up being a wonderful night full of laughter, funny stories, jokes, food and spirits.

I look back on my life and realize how blessed I truly am. I have a beautiful family, an amazing husband, two beautiful daughters, Joshua, insanely funny coworkers and incredible friends. Some of these friends I have had most of my life, since high school and since college. Some of these friends I see every week, once a month or once a year and it still feels like we just talked yesterday….I am writing a book about my amazing journey to motherhood, my creativity is bursting at the seams, and the support I have in all those areas is overwhelming.

On this 46 year of my life (altho my smart ass siblings would say 50th birthday and my parents 49th anniversary LOL) I feel overwhelmed with happiness and love. All areas of my life feel full, complete and perfect. I will cherish that feeling today and days to come when I feel “poor me” about something insignificant. Life is good.

Happy Birthday me ~


Plan? Whose plan?


 “If I knew then what I know now” … How many times in life have we said or heard that? How many times have we thought that and wondered to ourselves “Would I have taken the same path? Made the same decisions?”  It is hard to tell. Part of life and growing up and becoming an adult is living and learning from positive and negative situations and experiences. We want to live our life to the fullest and not be filled with “Could haves, Would haves, Should haves”….

Growing up we have a plan. We make a plan the way our life is supposed to go, the way we WANT our life to go. We don’t plan for hard things, for loss or for pain. We plan for an easy fun and fulfilling life. One that doesn’t send you on a dark and scarey path, but a happy well lit path. We make these plans and we expect our life to follow our plan. But we tend to overlook at THE PLAN. The Plan God makes for us.

It is hard for me to write about God. I am not a preacher, pastor, priest or even a nun. I have my doubts and often wonder about what is the RIGHT religion. I have fought with my spouse over God and what beliefs we share and what beliefs and thoughts we are on total opposite ends on. In fact there was a time I thought we would not make it through a fight over such things. We both want the same journey – that we live our lives the best we can and ultimately see each other again in heaven. Just our path of getting there is different. His is very open and loves to talk about it  – preach about it. He sees the Bible as a book with black and white rules – no room for personal interpretation. I however am the opposite. To me, it is personal and I keep quiet about my journey with faith and God. We are at a place to agree to disagree about things and be respectful to each others journey.

Back to THE PLAN….My plan was to grow up, get married and have a couple children and live happily ever after. I think as young girls we want to be like any Disney princess until we learn who we are as young adults. We have our plan that doesn’t include people dying before their time, cancer, divorce, struggles financially, and all the other gloomy things that happen in our world. But if we had that easy plan, we would never grow or learn. We would never stop and see what IS important. I had my plan all set in my head. I knew what I wanted and had the blueprint burned into my head. Then something humorous happened….God looked at this blue print…laughed uncontrollably and crumpled it up and tossed it aside. But I didn’t realize this until now. He sent me on his plan that lead me on dark scary paths. I was pregnant as a teen. I chose adoption for this baby. I met the man of my dreams – we have been through some rocky times and survived. We couldn’t have babies the way we wanted to. We adopted. But during the hardness of those individual situations was always a silver lining – a lining that I could not see until NOW. (If I knew then what I know now) My baby’s father fought and won custody of him – God made it easier to find him when the time was right. We couldn’t have babies unless we adopted – God showed me how the receiving end of adoption felt. God taught people how to forgive and love – my ‘baby” is in my life now and is 27! FULL CIRCLE people! Full circle!!

I don’t know why God’s plan isn’t always easy. Why does he send people on harder journeys than mine? Why is their cancer and disease? Why is there death too soon? I don’t have the answers. The one thing I do know for sure is that God’s plan is the ultimate one and we need to let go and trust. I am a control freak, a planner and impatient. If I can let go and trust…anyone can.