Jigsaw puzzles….so many jumbled colorful pieces that fit intricately all together in one specific way. There are puzzles that are 24, 68, 100, 500 or even a thousand pieces. Some are fine detailed like a fall leaf scene of a treed landscape – my grandmother would always do those – as a kid I swear it was a million tiny pieces. She always had one set up on the table at her house or our family camp. Some have an easy 100 pieces that is a scene from a Disney movie. Either way – they draw you in and you HAVE to complete it. You find yourself walking by it on the table saying “ah, just one more piece” and an hour later you are frustrated because you need that one last purple piece to complete the lower corner. When you have it all completed you feel such a sense of accomplishment and triumph.
I feel as tho our lives are a lot like a jigsaw puzzle (or a box of chocolates – but that is a whole other topic). You are born with a million little pieces of your life in front of you. All different sizes, color, characteristics, decisions and events. You spend your entire life piecing them together to make you a whole person. Pieces that make up your life and decisions you make pieces them together to complete the bigger picture.But think of how you feel when you have been working diligently on a 500 piece puzzle and you are just about done with it and realize it is missing one piece…ONE PIECE! All that work and ONE little piece is missing! You feel let down, sad and like you have lost all that time working so hard on something to have part of it missing. With life, you can go thru it thinking you have put all your pieces together and still feel as tho something is missing. Maybe you just can’t put your finger on it, maybe it is an event in your life that took something away from you or you just haven’t found that last piece yet.
The past two years of my life I have been on a personal journey in finding and getting to know and love my missing piece of this “grown up” chapter in my life…my birth son. I hadn’t started my “grown up” life puzzle when that precious piece was born. As I got older and became an adult – that missing piece that had always been so important to my heart had finally surfaced and it was the right time to put that last piece in place. I had always felt like something in my life was missing…but could never quite pin point it. I knew I had made the right decision at the time – the only decision that put him first. But my making the right decision for him, I neglected taking care of my soul and how it would mourn this loss. Right decision = a fulfilled soul. Not always. Sure, I am blessed in my life with a wonderful family, health, a husband and two beautiful daughters, friends and a job I love. But still, until I found that missing piece of my puzzle did I feel complete. …as I often wonder if he feels completed. Someday I am sure we will talk about it more. He met me coming from a completed wonderful family puzzle at his end….but did he ever feel missing? Lost? Like something was missing from his end too? And i wonder if my daughter’s birth moms feel that way or my daughters will.
The full circle of a puzzle is amazing as is life….