family, mom

I hate ADHD, not my daughter…

Every morning is the same routine for my daughter and I…up at 6:30, Vyvanse mixed with applesauce for her…while it takes time to kick in – she is allowed to have a little free time while I have a cup of coffee and take a few minutes for me before the rat race of the day starts. From there I call her down to work on homework that is left over from the night before because her medicine wore off and it is a battle to work on it at 7:30 at night. Most times she gets it done – nice handwriting and very little battle – so DIFFERENT than the evening before. Altho she gets obsessed with her pencil -likes a good point and erases if it isn’t just write. Then we move on to getting dressed. She still wants me to help her find an outfit (I don’t mind that part – fun for me putting ensembles together) – so I pick out something cute – she doesn’t like the way those jeans fit, or that shirt looks too big (it’s a tunic – suppose to be) so in the end she ends up picking out her own outfit. Meanwhile I just wasted 10 minutes arguing over a shirt and now I am running late. …these are just a few things that go along with ADHD in our house. She also has a touch of OCD mixed in there and when there is a not so patient mom, there is arguing.  I look forward to it when my daughter crosses the threshold of the door to leave for the bus. Is that I don’t want to be home with her? NO. Is it that I don’t love her more than life? NO! It is ADHD that I hate and all the quirks she has with it – the over focusing she tends to have. Every question has a whole negotiating session that comes with it – yes or no answers are never that simple.

When she has a playdate with her friend – who is suppose to be there at a specific time we agreed on and ends up being an hour later – it is the longest hour of my life – “When will she be here?” – “she is always late” –  “Call her and see when she is coming” – “I thought she was going to be here at this time” etc – now play that in a loop for an hour.  No matter how many times I answer those questions and assure her that she IS indeed coming to play – the loop continues.

Also – with ADHD we have NVLD – Non Verbal Learning Disorder – she cannot pick up of non verbal cues people put off. This makes it hard with friends. She will find that one person in school that she really likes and wants to play with and have over etc…but gets a little focused on that ONE friend – others dont understand that and I am sure she can’t read that person’s non verbal cues for her to back off a bit. You can be the best mom in the world and love your daughter and teach her how to be a good friend, but that only goes so far if she can’t read non verbal cues….

Organization – not so good. Always little messes in her room. Asking her to pick up the toy room is so overwhelming for her –

I love my daughter more than anything and of course I adapt and we make changes that are  necessary for her to succeed. Home and school we make changes and promote the positive in things… But sometimes it is hard to be patient, pleasant and encouraging. Iam being honest…I hate ADHD, non-verbal learning disorders and the bits and pieces of OCD that get tossed in there. 

Don’t get me wrong, I put on the smiling face, I be patient, I adapt and I make her feel loved because she is and I wouldnt trade her for the world.  She is beautiful, funny, determined, smart, caring and loving.  And there is NOTHING I wouldnt do for her. But the ADHD and the NVLD – I hate you for making it hard on MY daughter, I know there are others with far harder struggles and people that cant even have children – believe me, I know that. But I have the right to hate what makes things hard for her, dont I?

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2 thoughts on “I hate ADHD, not my daughter…”

  1. Thank you for sharing this post. I know EXACTLY what you are expressing. For those of us in the world of ADHD…it can be overwhelming and exhausting each and every day. I thank God for the beauty and brilliance that my daughter is able to shine through dispite the challenges!

  2. Oh My God! Jill, your beautiful honesty and the way you describe what Maddie and you endure every day is so rich in love and pain. I have some idea what it may be like having been through pieces of the some of the same stuff. There is a homeopath that has worked wonders with Lauren. Let me know if you want more info. on him. I also will be taking Lauren back to Synapse (I think in Eagan) The chiropracter is well known for working with children that have some of these issues. He works with balancing right and left brain among other things. Lauren needs help at this point with increasing her information processing, which will help in the classroom. Your friend.

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