Jillsy's Blog

being a wife…birth mom…adoptive mom….dealing with infertillty & life

The Perfect Family… February 23, 2011

Filed under: family — jillsy @ 7:00 am

The familyWe were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.  ~Erma Bombeck

What IS a perfect family? As a little girl playing with my sister and neighbor friends out back in our playhouse…we had the perfect family: A mom (one of us) our husband (Shaun Cassidy, Donny Osmond or a local high schooler we all had crushes on), our baby (ratty doll we would call ‘chicken legs’ and fight over) and one on the way (a wodded up blanket shoved under our shirt). Yep…a mother, a father and 2 kids. That to us was a perfect and normal family. That is what we had growing up (until my brother came along and then it was 3 kids, oh and the family pet).  That is what Leave it to Beaver had in the 50-60’s (a hard working father, a mother who stayed at home and doted on her family and two boys). Of course back then there was divorce, and non traditional relationships or even single moms too…but that wasn’t the “norm”. Then The Brady Bunch dared to be different…a widowed/divorced mother of three girls that married a widowed/divorced dad of three boys, a housekeeper and a dog. Tho the family never spoke of their “other parents” or ever yelled “your not my REAL dad/mom” – they married and POOF! an instant family. I assume Mike and Carol adopted each other’s children???  Now flash forward to 2011…a popular sitcom on TV now is Modern Family (which I love and watch weekly without fail!). There are three families: a father who has married a woman half his age from a different culture and a step son. A woman who is married to a man with 3 children. And a man who is in a relationship with his gay partner and they adopted a baby girl of a different race.  How our definition of the “perfect & normal family” has changed.  Even my “perfect and normal”  family is far different than the one I played, dreamed of and planned. (those who know me and my family – I use the word “normal” loosely! ha ha) Yes, I am married to the man I love (who was married before). Yes we have children….in the non traditional sense. I have a 23 year old birth son – the only child I have given birth to yet he has a mom and dad – and I have only had a relationship with him for less than a year.  I have two daughters a 7 year old and a 10 year old -both adopted – both from South Korea. And yet, to me this is THE perfect and normal family. I wouldn’t change it for the world. So many scenarios, people, places, and circumstances make up the “perfect and normal” family. What is your perfect family?   

 

Hearts and Love… February 1, 2011

Filed under: Adoption,birth mom,family,infertility,mom,Uncategorized — jillsy @ 12:49 pm

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.  – Lao Tzu

 ‘love (noun) (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates

Love. I love chocolate, I love God, I love John Bon Jovi, I love my husband, I love TV, I love my children, I love laughter….the list goes on and on in no particular order. What do you love? Who do you love? February is all about Valentine’s Day and all the commercialism of it. The cards, the candy, the parties, the hearts everywhere you look. Is it just a”Hallmark Holiday”? Do you know the history of this day?

In the early 290’s, the Roman Emperor Cladius II, or better known as Cladius the Cruel, was tired of no men joining the military. He believed it was due to the fact that they did not wish to leave their families and loves. To fix the lack of soldiers he cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. 

               Catholic Priest, Saint Valentine and companion, Saint Marius, believed it was wrong of him to deny innocent people of their right to be in love. Due to that belief he started to secretly marry people from Rome against Cladius’s will.

When the Emperor became aware of the doings of Valentine, he became infuriated and then demanded a search for Valentine. Once he was found, he was brought to Cladius. Cladius decided he should be killed, and sent him to jail.

                While Valentine was in jail, he fell in love with the jailor’s daughter. Because of her connection, she frequently visited Valentine. When Valentine’s time came to be executed, he wrote a letter to the girl, and signed it From Your Valentine.

                Named after Saint Valentine, The holiday started around the time 496 A.D. From then on, people of many different religions, nationalities, and ethnicities celebrate the romantic story of heroism. This is a special time to show how much you love and appreciate the ones closest to you.

Now, what if we appreciated those that aren’t so close to us or others we think we don’t know or care for? How about a stranger on the street?  The rude customer? The crabby neighbor? The bratty child at the store? People of different religions or cultures we tend to judge because we are uneducated about them? So many people that we simply “dismiss”. Why not reach out to these people and show love and appreciation to them on this Valentine’s Day?   After all, kindness can be contagious.