I was reading this book Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breatnach and had to share the entry for December 3rd….For those of you married with children, this is for you!
No Sex Please, We’re Married
Remember when we used to call sex “sleeping together”? How prophetic. There’s one one that Nostradomus missed. Having touched on the sublimation of sex for art, let’s meditate for a moment on the profound but necessary sublimation of sex for survival. Not survival of the species. Survival of the sleep starved. The woman I know lust after twelve hours of uninterrupted slumber. The only married women having sex as often as the magazines and marriage experts tell us we should be are on the soaps. Often the real life demands of family and work mean that married women discover there are many ways to make love besides missionary position:turning the lights down low, handing him a nightcap, and joining him to watch a weekly news show that presents his political point of view; asking how his favorite teams are doing and listening to the answer; sleeping on the couch so that you can rest when his cough sounds like a foghorn; sending him to the auto show alone; never going to sleep without saying “I love you”; calling once a day just to see how it is going; attending a couple’s massage workshop to learn how to do it to yourselves; remembering his mother’s birthday; wearing socks to bed; telling each other how nice you look; touching; creating a private language; filling up the tank; picking up a magazine he’d like at the newsstand; renewing her books at the library; doing the crossword puzzle together; fixing each other’s favorite meals a couple times a week; reading, talking, laughing, crying together in bed. “Exhaustion and lack of privacy make intimate moments of raw passion tarer than in our courting days” attorney and writer Linda Aaker reassures the married chaste among us. “Sex is also meeting your partner’s eyes over the tousled head of a child…Sex is sometimes just sleeping well beside the person you love, and drinking coffee together.”