Adoption, birth mom, family, infertility, mom, Uncategorized

Email

When you look up “email” in the dictionary you get the following:

e-mail  /ˈiˌmeɪl/ Show Spelled[ee-meyl]
–noun
1. a system for sending messages from one individual to another via telecommunications links between computers or terminals.
2. a message sent by e-mail: Send me an e-mail on the idea.
–verb (used with object)
3. to send a message to by e-mail.

But, to me it it is more than a simple exchange of words between computers. It is the giving and taking of personal information, getting to know a person, telling stories full of emotion and building a foundation for a relationship to be built on….

After first hearing from Joshua – the weeks to follow were spent exchanging emails and getting to know one another. A little overwhelming – how do you write in black and white type font and convey feelings, emotion and heartfelt stories? The ” 🙂 ” only goes so far! But I tried. We exchanged random things about one another – both serious and silly. I told him how someday I would love to tell him my side of the story about everything. Not that my story was different than the one his dad would have told him, but it was MINE – with MY thoughts and MY emotions. But thought that it might be something we talked about in person. But he didnt want to wait to hear it – so I sat down at my emotionless keyboard and turned my black and white type into a story full of emotion and honesty – in hopes that all the feeling I put into it would not get lost in the sending. It felt so good to finally after 22 years be able to tell him MY thoughts and feelings behind all my decisions – which were all out of doing what I thought was best for him.
The email I got in response from him made me feel like all my decisions WERE the right ones at the time and that I had answered some pretty heavy questions he had. And he reassured me that he did have the wonderful life I had always wanted for him with a wonderful family. All the years of wondering how he was – he was good! And the part that surprised me – he was this wonderful person who let me open up and tell MY story and he wasnt mad or angry, but thankful to have questions about his life answered. What a gift. It also answered my questions – how he was, what he knew and how he felt TODAY about it all. All the heavy stuff was on the table – open for discussion – honesty and emotion conveyed through email.

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