Adoption, birth mom, family, infertility, mom, Uncategorized

Birthmom

Most people spend their summer in between high school graduation and going off to college being carefree and looking forward to their new path in life as a young adult. For MOST. For me, the last month of summer vacation I spent worrying – worrying that I may be pregnant. A month went by – my parents moved me to Mankato, got me all settled and were on their way. All the while not knowing of my worries.  Well into my first semester of college it was confirmed…I was indeed pregnant. Only a handful of people would know this life changing situation – the father, and a couple close friends. I admit that if I didnt think about it and kept busy with my new surroundings, classes and living on my own that it wouldnt be true. “Out of sight – Out of mind” – doesnt really work well when your body starts changing….It wasnt until spring break that it all came out. I was home over break – my sister first suspected it and from there my mom went on my sister’s hunch and we spent spring break figuring out what to do. I knew that adoption was the best choice – I was 18 and could barely take care of myself  – how could I be a mom!? You are wondering where the “father” was in this – we had broken up – it wasnt a big love affair to begin with – we were better friends. We both decided adoption was a good decision. So in the months to come, I spent my first year of college going to classes, seeing my counselor at Catholic Charities, looking at profiles of anxious parents waiting for a baby to complete their family and attending my OB/GYN appointments. While most people spent spring quarter laying in the sun, going to parties and making plans for summer…I was planning and thinking of the type of life this baby growing inside of me would have – not with me, but with that perfect family I picked out. Not the typical first year of college most kids my age had.
My first year was coming to an end and I still had a few weeks left til my due date. My counselor Gloria welcomed me into her home and family til I had the baby – it made sense to stay in town vs. go back home with two weeks to go. So the evening came that I went into labor – altho at the time I wasnt sure quite what it was. I called my parents and told them and Gloria took me to the hospital. It all went so fast. The baby was breech so I ended up having a c-section. The doctors knew my sitaution and put a sheet up between me and my belly so I wouldnt see anything – I did choose not to see the baby – figured it would be way too hard emotionally. A healthy 7 pounds/7 ounces baby boy was born. By the time I got out of surgery my parents were there waiting for me….funny I was a legal adult who just had a baby, but I was so excited and relieved to see my “mommy and daddy”. In the days to follow, papers were signed relinquishing my rights. This baby boy would soon be on the way to his new family where he would be loved and cared for and have the life I planned for him and dreamed for him…..
After the papers were signed, we had 10 working days to change our minds…the baby’s father did. He came to me and said he wanted custody of our son and had a lawyer. I was devastated. I had this perfect family and life all picked out for him and my heart was full of love knowing I had made the best decision for him. My parents and I also got a lawyer – I wanted the orginal plan to go through – I was too young to care for this baby and be a great mom to him – and thought the dad was too. The court basically said “If the mother does not want the baby, custody will go to the father”…DOESN’T WANT??? It had nothing to do with not wanting him – it had to do with what was best for him…his needs had to come first. So his father did get custody. He married a woman and she legally adopted him. Funny how after 20+ years I realize he DID have the perfect life I wanted for him with two loving parents. Who was I to say, at age 18, that I had the better plan??

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1 thought on “Birthmom”

  1. Jill, YOU are AMAZING!!!!

    I remember freshmen year and could only guess how you were feeling, you are a very strong girl, i couldnt help but tear up when reading your entry. Thanks for writing this, i know its very personal, but your writing is so honest, you really could write a book. Your a great writer!

    Thanks
    Kelly

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